Tuesday, September 25, 2012

Crybaby Cry

So, more on the physical stuff I mentioned the other day--I've been struggling with pain in my right elbow and arm, plus my fingers and, for a few days, the palm of my right hand.  Sometimes the pain is pretty much gone, other times it's loud and proud.  It can come and go in the space of hours, with devastating pain (the elbow) almost disappearing with just an Advil or two.  The hands gig is new, but that elbow?  That rat bastard's been hurting me on and off (mostly on) since last September.  That's a year ago.  It seemed to be a result of packing and moving, and it took seven months to clear up.  While the range of motion never returned, the pain went away for a few months. 

Until a couple of weeks ago.

That pain came back with such a vengeance I wound up lying awake, crying from it.  Wound up at the doctor, spitting out another copay we can't afford.  The verdict?  ANA and Sedimentation Rate tests are normal.  RA Turbid/RA Factor?  Ever so slightly elevated--normal is 0-13.9, I'm at 14.3.  I mentioned the pain I've had (again, since moving last September) in my back, between and beneath my shoulder blades.  She ordered an x-ray.  We'll see what that says.  She recommended physical therapy, but my insurance wants a hefty chunk per session, so that's not happening any time soon.  She recommended a rheumatologist, but that's going to wait until the x-rays are back.  As I have a history of squamous cell carcinoma (two years ago, smack on my face), gastric ulcers, an irregular heartbeat (I take Metoprolol for that), and am diabetic, the odds of finding a medical/pharmaceutical solution are slim.  I have started taking fish oil, curcumin, and a combination of glucosamine, chondroiton, and MSM.  Yes, there has been an improvement--not much, and I understand that these things, while often reducing the need for pain medication, probably don't do much for inflammation.  But needing fewer NSAIDs means less hurt to my stomach, my heart, and my kidneys.  And that's certainly worth something.

So, on the subject of crying, I was cruising through the morning news stories and found a gem about how 70% of women with chronic ailments like arthritis wind up divorced.  Often because of the physical deformity that can result, and also because of the loss of mobility and inability to perform tasks they used to be capable of.  I thought about bowling the other night, how I sat and watched while my husband and son bowled.  I didn't dare try because my elbow and hands are so achy.  I had a good time, but sitting here thinking about it, I burst into tears.  One more thing wrong with me. 

No, I don't think Tommy's going to hightail it, but it's still an unbearably sad thought.  Imagine being crippled by arthritis and then having the one person who should always be there for you say, "So long--too much hassle, and damn, your hands look scary!"

Tailbone has taken to hurting again.  Because there always has to be something new and exciting.

On a happier note, we got our boy uniformed and paid up for his Hapkido.  He's very happy.

1 comment:

  1. Hugs! I feel your pain. (pun intended) I know that my chronic ailments led to my recent breakup, but it's because he is an asshole, I feel better without him around. I don't think you'll have to worry about that with Tommy.
    I wish I lived near you, I'd offer you some free massage. I feel sure that it would help you feel better, if not cure some of your pain. I went to massage school but I never got my license because I was making such good money at my other job back then. By the time that job went away, I needed a lot more classes to be allowed to get licensed, so my massage education is useless unless I use it to help my friends.
    I wonder if Sean's martial arts school has Tai Chi classes, or if there is a free or cheap way to practice it near you? Tai Chi will help your mobility and range of motion, it's super easy, and it's fun. See, you're going through the motions, slowly, of kicking invisible ass. If you don't want to do it in a class setting, look for a video and practice it at home. At any rate, I'm sending positive thoughts.