Ben Affleck, Bill Maher, Sam Harris, and just how crazy the fangirls can get.

So, straight up, a bit of coming clean:  I don't like Bill Maher.  Not since "Religulous," and the pissy way he he baits and misleads and sets folks up to be comedic foils.  The way he misrepresents doctrine in order to make it as ridiculous as possible.  There's no reason to do that--it's already ridiculous, there is no reason to twist it about for comedic effect.  I try to remind myself that he is, after all, just a comedian, so of course he's going to do that.  But for me?

It's personal.  Because *I* am also an atheist, and when this guy's sneering mouth utters that snarky anti-Arab (anti-GMO/anti-vaccine/anti-Muslim/anti-Palestinian/pro-Zionism/anti-woman/anti-breastfeeding) bullshit, and does so as a perceived representative of atheists, I get pissed.

I do have to give Bill credit.  Until I found myself in his sights, I thought he was funny.  I thought he was mean, sure, but in a GOOD way because his nastiness was dovetailing nicely with my ideas.  So thank you, Bill, for teaching me how it feels to have some half-informed stand-up comedian use snarkiness and condescension in the place of knowledge to tear at my ideas.

It was a lesson I likely needed.

As for Sam Harris, what a disappointing fount of prejudiced urp.  Thankfully, I don't do atheist heroes, so I wasn't so disappointed.  Hubby was pretty bummed, though.

Here, let me quote Sam, give you a taste:

"It is time we recognized—and obliged the Muslim world to recognize—that “Muslim extremism” is not extreme among Muslims.  Mainstream Islam itself represents an extremist rejection of intellectual honesty, gender equality, secular politics and genuine pluralism. The truth about Islam is as politically incorrect as it is terrifying: Islam is all fringe and no center. In Islam, we confront a civilization with an arrested history."

Because, it would seem, Muslims are fair game.  Like overweight women and atheists, they're one of the last "hey, have at" targets out there.  It was nice to see Ben Affleck go a bit nutty on Bill and Sam, taking them to task for their sweeping generalizations.  See, I'm particularly sensitive to that whole "big, broad brush" thing because, all too often, people look at Bill Maher, then judge ME as part of that broad atheist group.

All atheists are not Bill Maher (or Sam Harris, or Hitch, or Dawkins), and all Muslims are not ISIS. Thank you, Ben, for championing that simple, obvious point.

Now, on to the "fangirls" I mention in the title.  This would be the atheists who are so enamored of whichever "atheist heroes" that they embrace their positions without really examining them with an objective eye.  Not all atheists are like this, but there are some, and they are loud.  Loud, and ravening.  They leap like a pack and tear dissenters apart.  Logic and reason fly out the window in favor of a competitive race to outdo each other with snarky nicknames, personal attacks, unrestrained ridicule, and off-topic nitpicking.  You know, like Sam and Bill repeatedly arguing that "Islam isn't a race, and therefor we're not racists."

What?  That's your defense?  You can't deny the charges, so you'll do the semantics dance instead?

How intellectually dishonest of you.

Again, I don't do "atheist heroes."  Many atheists don't.  But I understand why those who do, do. Because there are SO many out there who condemn atheists.  Who say we're un-American, evil, awful, worse that rapists and child molesters.  And there are so few of us who are prominent and willing to "come out," to risk ourselves in the spotlight.  So when someone relatively intelligent and unafraid to be open and loud shows up, it's natural that some atheists would rally around him (I say him, because so many prominent atheists are also, unfortunately, misogynistic).  And sadly?

That makes for some crappy heroes sometimes.  Some are brilliant (and some, like Maher, are just comedians), but even the brilliant ones tend to have fatal flaws, be it Islamophobia (which includes an inability to differentiate between Islam and being Middle Eastern), Zionism (I know, right?), misogyny, or a cold, Ayn Rand-style social Darwinism (this is where some smug heathen will leap in and argue that Rand's dance was "objectivism," not social Darwinism)..

Now, I'm not arguing that atheist "stars" are any MORE messed up than the general public.  No, not at all--in fact, by virtue of their disbelief, I'd say they have one less flaw than the average person. What I'm saying is that they're just folks.  Sometimes incredibly intelligent folks, but not infallible by any stretch.  And yet, so often, crowds of adoring fans gather 'round to lend support for statements that maybe don't, on objective consideration, merit that sort of cheerleading.  And that cheerleading?

Is often of the mean, nit-picky, ugly variety I spoke of above.

So Mr. Affleck?  I know you don't remember me from the first Project Greenlight, but I remember you.  And boy, what a man you've grown to be.  I applaud your bravery here, and bravery is what it is, because it takes a lot of guts to go up against Maher's caustic sarcasm and Harris' plodding anti-Islam narrative.  So thank you.  I hope we hear more from you.  I hope they didn't scare you off.

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And now, for those who might be thinking it:  I have zero use for Islam.  No more (or less) than for other religions.  I am by no means a champion of Islam--it's theism, I think it, like other theistic faiths, is inherently harmful.  I think it, like other theistic faiths, lends itself to oppression and intolerance.  My problem is when people hold it up as somehow MORE damaging or MORE scary than any other.  That's just not true.  What makes Islam SEEM more violent or more awful is simply Western intervention.  The Middle East was not a roiling puddle of violence and extremism before Western colonialism.  What makes for extreme Islamic groups is outside interference, military interventions, oppression, occupation, and invasion.  You'd think we'd have learned this by now--devastation, destitution, and oppression are what makes for fanatical responses.  If we would sink money, no strings, into their infrastructure, economy, and education instead of into invasion, devastation, occupation (by us and by our "special" allies), and overthrow, there'd be no "need" for religious zealotry and violent resistance.  

I know, I know--what if it didn't work?

That's easy--what we're doing now clearly isn't working; it's creating ever bigger and badder violent groups.  Worst thing that could happen is that being nice for a change wouldn't work, either.  

Edwin Kagin

So, Edwin Kagin died day before yesterday.  I just found out last night.  If you're like most folks, you're probably asking "Who?"

Well, that's what I'm here to tell you.

Edwin Kagin was the South Carolina-born son of a Kentucky Presbyterian minister.  He was a man who earned his Juris Doctorate and spent his life fighting for the rights of others.

He was a man who did the near-impossible in shaking off deeply religious roots and becoming an atheist.  An outspoken, brave, sometimes brash atheist who devoted himself to the idea of creating a safe society for atheists.  A place where we can be open without fear of reprisal. Where our public schools and public offices are not machines of religious indoctrination.

Now, I didn't  know Edwin in a "face-to-face" sort of way.  No, we never met.  But he and his wonderful late wife, Helen (a physician and force to be reckoned with in her own right) founded Camp Quest.  Camp Quest, which opened up the world for my son.

This is turning into a tribute, and I didn't actually intend for that to happen.  No, I'm writing because I'm angry.  I'm angry at the Wills and the Monicas of the world.  The small, mean people of this planet who would invade a Facebook group just for the purpose of crowing victoriously or spouting biblical passages on a page frequented by Edwin's children and friends.

Oh, yes.  This isn't something new to me--my first foray into atheist online forums was in 1995, AOL.  We had an atheist "support" forum, and the Christians would invade constantly, some stupidly preaching, but most attacking.  Because, of course, you can't have ANY pocket ANYWHERE of ANYONE who doesn't share your mythology.  Oh, no!  You've got to ROOT OUT those dirty atheists wherever you find them.  Even on private forums where you have to LIE about who you are to join.

Because, as we all know, LYING is one of those touted virtues.  Right?

Anyway, so here are some samples of that vaunted Christian love we're always hearing so much about:

The above is classic.  Typical example of someone who can't tell the difference between a pointy stick and a bible.  And why can't she tell?  Because she uses them both in the same way.

This guy posted twice, because crashing an atheist Facebook group and joyfully crowing that someone is burning in hell is SO much fun that it needs to be done repeatedly.  Says so in the scriptures, I'm betting.

Will #2--in case we missed it the first time

Another oldie but goodie--a variation on the "bet he's sorry now" theme.  Not particularly inspired, but also didn't likely burn up too many of those endangered brain cells, either.

These two came as a set.  The first blatantly mean, the second more sneakily so.  See, there's a smugness to number two that, as a non-believer, you come to recognize .  It's a passive-aggressive "whaaat?  I was just being nice!" thing.  I get it from family pretty frequently.

Oh, and speaking of passive aggressive, here's another one of those cowardly fakes:

No, Tom.  That's not what you're doing.

Now, you might be wondering why I've blocked out the  names.  Believe me, I don't want to.  I figure that, if you're okay with spraying your idiotic bile on a Facebook page, you MEANT for the world to see it, and if you said it, you must be PROUD of it.  But fact is there are petty, stupid people who do things like this, and then SUE when someone reposts their nastiness in a way that clearly identifies them.  So I obscured the names.  Not to protect the innocent, but to protect MYSELF, because these buckets o' barf are anything but innocent.

As a special ironic treat, I'd like to share a meme from Mr. Will's Facebook profile page.  

Indeed, Will.  Exactly that.

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:

Child Murders

When I saw the news day before yesterday about the murder-suicide, I thought, as I do whenever I read of something awful happening back in my old stomping grounds, "Oh, how terrible!  I hope it was no one I know."  When I heard later that it was a case of a mother killing her children, I knew it wasn't anyone I might know, because nobody I know would do something that horrible.

When I was on the LOO yesterday, reading the news on my iPad, and saw the name, I cried out.  I shouted "Oh, no.  Oh, NO!" and then did a quickie wipe and dashed for the phone to call my husband at work.

Because I did know the murderer in this case.  Or I knew of her.  She was a friend of my husband's.  They traveled in the same circles, were Facebook pals for years.

*I* didn't know her well, and I'm certainly glad of that at this point.  She'd always struck me as flaky, silly, and maybe a bit gullible and "ooh, shiny," though my impressions were forged solely through my exposure to her on Facebook and stories from the various events she and my husband both attended (separately, of course).  She seemed the kind of woman who spends entirely too much time trying to convince people of the "scientific proof of near-death experiences" and other ridiculous, magical things.  Not a dull-wit, but someone who bought into most of the artsy-fartsy, woo crap that's so popular with a certain contingent.

She seemed, maybe, a bit immature.

A couple of years back, before we moved away, we headed over to her place to give her my old aquarium.  For her girls, I guess.

The girls she murdered.

I'm seeing a lot of "I know you're watching from heaven!" garbage from folks, but you know, that's almost certainly not the case.  Because there is no heaven.  No afterlife.  And if, by some astounding stretch, I'm wrong about that?

Pretty sure child killers wouldn't go there.

I'm trying to go beyond what I know of her and convince myself that she must have been psychotic.  Delusional, suffering a break from reality that was beyond her control.  It flies in the face of what I know of her personality, but it's the only way I can find pity in my heart for her.  I know people will think I'm awful, I'm hard-hearted and cold, but here's where I am:

If she had LIVED, most of the same people who are proclaiming her some sort of saint would be waving those torches and pitchforks.  Nobody likes a child-murderer.

If she had been a MAN, this postmortem coddling and cossetting wouldn't be happening.  S/He'd be condemned roundly, excoriated posthumously as a coward, a murderer, a monster.

If she had been a MAN who LIVED, the masses would be screaming for a heaping dose of Old Testament justice.  No mercy, no forgiveness for a man who murders his own children.

This is hard for me.  She was a beautiful woman, to be sure.  That she had a circle of friends and surely must have had good traits and things about her that made folks love her isn't in doubt.

It just doesn't matter.  Taking a gun and slaughtering your children trumps anything that might have made you fun at parties.  Those beautiful, adorable, fabulous girls will never have the lives they should have had.  They will never dance again, they will never go to college, get married, or have beautiful babes of their own.  And to hear these people talk, it's like it was some mysterious act of GAWD that killed them.  But it WASN'T.  It wasn't a bolt of lightning or a yawning, earthquake-inspired chasm or a racing flow of lava from Mt. Doom.

It was her.  Their mother.  No accident, no divine hand.  Just the hand of someone who never should have, grasping a weapon she never should have had.

My heart is broken over those girls.  I cried today for them again today.  I cried for their grandparents, who lost so much in one selfish, stupid act.

They say her (recent) ex-fiance was pacing the drive in horror after finding the bodies.  Saying over and over, "Why do that?"

Why, indeed?

And just a couple of days later?  Another child murder, this one the father murdering his wife and children just a short distance away.  Another case of a parent who murders the children when relationship matters take a turn.  This one?

A cop.

I ask again--who does that?  How small, stupid, mean, selfish, and completely egocentric do you have to be to do that?  I'm not going to say that I've never considered suicide--that would be a lie. I won't even say I haven't considered it as a result of a damaged (and damaging) relationship.  I have.  But the very idea of harming my child is so foreign, so repulsive, so absolutely horrifying to me that I literally physically recoil from the thought.  Barring flat-out psychosis, how does one embrace that thought and decide it's a good idea?  "Hey, the relationship with my husband/wife/fiance/boyfriend isn't going so well, think I'll murder-suicide the kids!"

I remember when I was a pre-teen and teen, I used to imagine how sad everyone would be at my funeral.  All the people who'd hurt me, boy wouldn't they be sorry?  Is THAT what this is?  Some immature, ultimate "get even?"

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And I'm just going to assume you already know that people who have guns in the home for "self-defense" are drastically more likely to either die at the wrong end or kill those they love with them than to ever have to face down a criminal or otherwise defend themselves.  No need to belabor the point, because we all know it's true.

________________________________________

My dad is improving.  He's STILL in hospital, but the past few days has seen him off the ventilator for hours at a time, and even sitting up in a chair a few times.  His hospitalization insurance is about maxed, so it's a bit of a race against the clock now.  Hoping he's home before the insurance kills and their entire world is thrown into that bankrupt-due-to-bills abyss.  They do have long-term insurance that should kick in to help with home-care, so let's hope.  His heart is still functioning well below normal, but he hasn't had a smoke for almost a month-and-a-half, so that's good, right?

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Had yet another sad, stupid online social experience yesterday.  You'd think I'd learn.  You know how it is.  We all like to assume that the groups WE hang out with are smarter, kinder, and in a way stand out.  In a good way.  Well, last night, I was once again reminded that, no matter how terrific a group seems, the sad fact is they only like me because I'm a name on a screen, someone funny and smart (and, of course, by definition, not fat.  Because fat people can't be those things). If they could actually SEE me, they'd walk away.

Snickering.  Probably taking pictures for some crappy fat-shaming meme.

Imagine, just for a moment, having someone say (about a picture that looks a lot more like you than you'd like) "If I ever looked like that (and I never would), I'd want someone to take me out back the shed Ol' Yeller style."

Think about those words.  About what they mean.  In a nutshell?  "If I were you, I'd want someone to kill me because you're just that horrible."  And even the "kind" responses were "Sure, it's genetic, but I make lifestyle choices that make it a non-issue." and "Oh, gosh, that poor woman--imagine how horrible it must be to be her, trapped in that awful body 25/7/365!" 

Yeah, imagine.  And if you think THAT'S bad, imagine that's how people look at you.  How they talk to you.

My husband tries to be understanding.  He fails miserably, but, hey, at least he tries.  One memorable time, he compared how people have treated me over my weight with not having nice clothes growing up.  And then got pretty upset when I told him that's like comparing apples to anvils. He doesn't get it because he has never, ever, in all his life, faced broad, popular, socially acceptable disdain and horror.  He has never had something about him so horrible and INDELIBLE that it can't help but define him because it's how society defines him.  He will never understand, and I don't think he's ever going to be willing to admit that, because don't we all want to be the person who "gets" it?  

I left the group.  Not in a big, huffy bang, but just walked away.  My husband tells me I screwed up, that, hey, they pulled the post, and besides, a lot of people later came in on "my side."

He doesn't get it.  He won't ever get it.  Because he's never been followed through a grocery store by teenage boys snorting and grunting like pigs.  He's never had people marvel that he can ride a bike, like he's a circus elephant.  

He's never had teenage girls saunter past, loudly proclaiming that, if they ever looked like him, they'd expect their friends to put them out of their misery.

Once you see how people see you, it's impossible to UNsee it.  It was a private group, dedicated to giving folks like us (atheists) a safe, friendly, supportive place to hang out and interact without the outside attacks we so often experience.  And knowing now how many of them think I'm horrifying?  

Well, I just didn't feel very safe and supported.  You'd think I'd be used to that by now, but I'm not.  I don't think I ever will be. 

________________________________________

And that's about it.  Really caught up in the family history gig, finding things I'd never known, including second spouses for relatives, kids who were from other partners, etc.  It's great fun, but becoming a bit of an obsession.  A good one, though.  Give my boy a real sense of who we are and where we come from.

Obamacare Junkies and Life Eternal

So, I've been thinking more on the whole "Obamacare defunding" debacle, and the miserable, cheat-y "throw the dice over and over until we get the result we want" approach the right has taken with this matter.  What, is this the 42nd time they've tried to kill affordable health care?  43rd?

Please, doesn't that tell you something about who they're representing?  Because if you make less than half a mil a year, it's not YOU!

I was thinking about that ridiculous, rotten creature from here in NOVA--what's her name?  Comstock?  The wingnut who actually said that folks who make $250,000 really have to struggle to make ends meet?

Sure, Barb, if they're shooting for the Hamptons or a 7,000 square foot McMansion in Mclean.  But out here in the REAL Virginia?  250 grand would have us out of debt and a house bought.  After that?  It's European vacations every summer and a new car every year.  Seriously.  Fifty grand a year would pay every bill we have, including groceries and rent.  The other two hundred grand?

WOWSER icing.  But it's telling, isn't it?  That this woman could stand up and say something that outrageous, that aloof and out-of-touch with America and not be castigated?  Not be tossed out the door as a spoiled, utterly alien creature who has no understanding of real life in America?  While you and I are blinking, goggling at her breathtaking classism, the Republican party embraced her and her words.

Because that is who they are, and if you believe different, it's because you're either operating under the mistaken idea that your Daddy's Republican party still exists, or you've fallen for the billions in slick advertising, corporate-funded and intended to do that very thing--fool you.

Here's THE thing, really--the right doesn't want us to have affordable health care because they know we'll like it.  If it's fully implemented, we'll be so happy with it they'll never be able to undo it.  Think I'm full of it?  Think I'm making that up?

Read THIS.  Yes, Cruz actually said that.  He made it clear that, if Americans actually get a taste of "Obamacare" in full swing, they'll be "hooked" like addicts.

Addicted to affordable, quality health care.  The mind stinking boggles.  That the right would even view being "hooked" on good health care as a PROBLEM is . . . well, is the PROBLEM.  How twisted do you have to be to have the amazing health care our politicians have while viewing programs to extend good health care to everyone as evil and wrong?

As twisted as the right in America these days, apparently.

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Anyway, I lost track of where I was going--I've been thinking a lot about the right's dastardly approach to healthcare, and I realized what it is they're trying to do.  You see, if they can make this process as miserable, as trying and frightening and noxious as possible, folks like me might just throw our hands in the air and say, "Oh, fine, defund it, just stop with the threatened shutdowns every few months, stop with the furloughs and the absolute torturing of military and federal families!"

Because I'm close.

You see, I don't actually benefit from "Obamacare."  I have better-than-average insurance through my husband's employer, and that's not going to change with or without "Obamacare."  We're not affected in any real way (other than our son will be covered until he's 26 under our policy).  So if those bastards manage to kill affordable health care, it doesn't affect me.

Except in my heart.  My brain.  Except when it comes to having empathy for other Americans, wanting to see OUR PEOPLE have a better life.  Then it affects me.

Hugely.

But the right is hoping to wear me down.  Me, and the millions like me who are troubled by the fact that poor areas with lower educational attainment and low rates of insurance have markedly reduced LIFE EXPECTANCY.  Yes, they can say it's about race (and ignore the poor white women so often affected), but dig deeper--it's about poverty, and one of the hallmarks of poverty is difficulty in accessing quality health care.

That horrifies me, and it should horrify everyone.  Two Americas--one for those who can afford education, medicine, and a "good" life, and another for those who can't.  And that second America?  Has people dying.  Dying of things the rest of us don't have to worry about.

Shame!

But the right doesn't care.  They do not care.  And so they do everything in their power to cut medical coverage, cut housing assistance, cut food assistance, slash educational budgets and access to student aid.  And at the end of the day, if they get everything they want?

We have a permanent lower class that cannot hope to reach beyond or rise above.  A class that doesn't live as long, doesn't live as well, and is denied what the rest of us consider a given.  A class that may, if some nutty gits in places like Utah have their way, not even have compulsory education to help haul them up.  A class that will be relegated to minimum wage work and forelock-tugging.

Or armed robbery, home invasions, and drug addiction.  Because poverty in the richest society in the world?  Lends itself to violence.

I don't want any of this.  I want my country back!  The country that cared about science and education and the welfare of its people!  I want everyone to have access to basic health care--you know, like they do in the civilized world where all those countries have folks who live longer than we do.  Who have fewer moms and babies dying.  Who have better educational systems and a higher standard of living across the board.

I want sanity back in our government, and dull-wits being whipped up by corporate cash, waving flags and calling our President a "Kenyan?"

That's not sanity.  That's well-planned, ingeniously executed, precisely aimed stupidity.  It's stupid people allowing themselves to be manipulated by those who benefit from their stupidity.  It's not American.

It sick.  It's sick, and the right knows that, to protect ourselves, we'll throw our brothers and sisters under the wingnut train.  To keep my husband working and our rent paid, they're counting on me to give up on my poorer fellows.

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On a mostly unrelated note (I guess the common theme is wishful thinking?), I was challenged the other day by a theist friend who couldn't grasp my lack of belief.  She asked how I could possibly find any joy in life if I think this is our only go-round.  She said that she found it sad that I didn't believe in an afterlife.  Asked how I couldn't WANT that.

And that last?  Well, there's where she's wrong.

I get wishing that there was an afterlife.  I get seeing the obituary for the developmentally delayed boy and thinking how cool it would be if now, in some alternate "heavenly" place, he was clear of thought and brilliant, even.  I get wishing that the girl rooted to her wheelchair in this life could be dancing in some next world.  I get that, I understand how amazing and appealing the idea is.  You think I don't want to spend forever with my boy?  That I don't GET how cool and wonderful and reassuring that would be?

Of course I GET that.  I also get that it's not true. It's make-believe, it's mythology, it's stuff made up to make people not panic over the total suckiness of not being anymore.

I think all Atheists get it.  Sure, it would be super-wonderful-cool to go on forever as ourselves.  It would be amazing to spend eternity happy with the people and things we love.  It's not realistic, it's not reasonable, and it's not REAL, but, as fantasies go, yes, it's a great one.

Some Atheists will give you the "stardust" speech--you know, everything returns to stardust, energy never disappears, when we die we go back to the cosmos that created us?

Yeah, that one doesn't work for me, either.  Because that's not ME, that's just parts of me.  That's like cutting off my pinkie fingernail and sending it to France, then claiming I'd traveled the world. No, I didn't.  And going back to the cosmos (or the ground) in parts and pieces is not the same as living forever.

Fact is, we don't live forever.  We live this short time, and then we die.  And the best we can hope for is to make enough of a difference that the world is better for our having been.  If we luck out and manage to find a positive way of being remembered?

All the better.  But this is it.  There's no practice run, and there's no rewind.  And there's no encore.

Atheists as Angels and Disappearing Priests

A couple of weeks ago, I received an invite to a private Facebook group.  A friend sent the invite, she and her husband (also my friend) invited my husband and me, though the group was set up by another friend of theirs, someone I only knew by name.  The point of the group?

We're discussing atheism, mostly.

"If you're atheist, why do you NEED a group?"

Why yes, that's exactly the sort of thing we're discussing.  That, and family members threatening to stealth-baptize our children, non-atheists trying to build artificial categories to describe "types" of atheists, parents who impose religion on the bodies of their unconsenting children (faith healers and circumcision leap to mind), and, of course, seeking out a suitable image for our group's cover photo.  I'm kinda partial to this one:

But I understand that may  not be the tone we're looking to strike.  But it pleases the daylights out of me.

Speaking of atheism and deep discussions, have you heard the one about the "angel priest" who "saved" the car crash victim and the miracle of new rescue equipment (which had already been ordered up by humans) showing up . . . as expected?

Oh, spare me!  

To quote myself:

I've BEEN that "angel." I have, quite literally, been called "a gift from god" and a "guardian angel" by grateful folks who can't seem to fathom that PEOPLE are capable of goodness, of kindness, of intervening without some super-hero ghostie in the sky. I stop at accidents--I've stopped at more than I can count; I have some medical training, it's only right that I stop to render aid. I don't give my name unless asked, and I POOF when my usefulness has passed. I have held the hands of frightened, badly injured people, I have nodded and smiled while they prayed and begged whatever deity for intervention. I have absolutely saved lives.  But when that girl stepped into traffic and was thrown 20 feet by the pick-up truck that smacked her? "God" didn't intervene.

I did. Paramedics did. Police officers did. Emergency room physicians, surgeons, nurses, and anesthesiologists did.

I wonder--of the "80 pictures taken," were any of them OF THE GIRL AND THE PRIEST PRAYING TOGETHER?  And if so, do any of those pictures show THE GIRL PRAYING ALONE AND A BIG EMPTY SPOT WHERE THE "ANGEL" PRIEST ALLEGEDLY WAS?  My money's on NOT--at least not without a little help from Photoshop.

Angel my backside. Goodness, the silliness never stops.

And you know what?  The silliness really does NEVER end.  Even though atheism is slowly gaining ground, even though religions are losing members, they make up for it with increased fervor, louder shouting, more egregious violations of basic human rights.  They see the ground being lost and seek to stem the flow by passing laws legislating their faith and punishing those who don't share it.

Oh, and in England, a wildly atheistic country, they hand control of thousands of secular public schools over to the church.  Here's another, in case that one wasn't agonizing enough.

Argh.

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Photos rolling in from the class reunion I helped set up but didn't attend.  Nice to see that Wendy was there--I have some very hard feelings there, yet I made sure to get her address down right and get that invite to her.

I hope someone let her know that was me.  That I went out of my way to make sure she and the silicone-chested, duck-lipped ex-drill team member with the stiffy against Hispanics and Black Presidents got their invitations.

Yes, I sound bitter.  No, it's not a leftover grudge from high school.  Instead, it's a recent blow up on Facebook, where Wendy treated me very poorly, dressing it up in "concern."  We managed to limp past that without too much blood, but then she posted something stupid and, I would have thought, beneath her.  Just some bit of misinformation that, even now, I find hard to believe she would have fallen for.  I gave her more credit on the intellect front than she deserved, apparently.  I corrected her in a very friendly, easy tone behind the scenes after doing the research and making sure of the facts.  She sent a snarky response, then posted to her wall that, after SHE had done exhaustive research, SHE had discovered that her earlier post had been wrong.

I don't require public acknowledgement.  I don't.  Had she offered up an oblique, "hey, it's come to my attention that . . ." that would have been plenty.  No mention of my name necessary.  It's when self-aggrandizing creatures take credit for my work that I get upset.

I should have let her smallness pass, I know.  And I admit, there was a hint of hurt when I posted, "You're welcome" with a smiley face.  But the bile-soaked garbage she threw back at me via private message?  Was astounding.  She accused me of being attention-seeking, credit-sucking, ego-driven, and even psychologically unwell --- she accused me of being her, in a nutshell. And then, true to cowardly troll form, she blocked me so I couldn't respond.

I should have seen it coming.  This is a woman whose entire life has been consumed by her quest to be the center of attention.  I still remember her high school brags that she had been cast as Fran in Stephen King's "The Stand."  That pursed-lipped, sneering, eye-rolling, hanging-with-all-the-right-people caricature she created in high school held tight. She's spent years hacking away at an acting career, and never has managed to rise above mediocre (and that's charitable) shorts and minor stage work.  And that last?

Isn't an insult or a slight, because she has TRIED, and I will never down her for that.  She even moved to LA and did her damnedest.  She worked HARD, and for that?  Kudos, and I mean that.

Too bad about the sick drive to be the star of every situation, though.  Too bad about the inability to give others credit when due, and the failure to empathise even a little with those around her in any sincere, meaningful way.

It really is all "the Wendy Show."

And I guess, when you can't be a star of the silver screen, being the star of your own small production is what there is.  I hope she was kinder to the folks at the reunion than she was to me. Because if she wasn't, that's on me, isn't it?  I'm the dullwit who made sure she got an invitation.

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Speaking of high school, I've been working hard on gathering obits and memorials for old students from my alma mater.  I don't know how many I have so far, but it comes out to over 900 pages worth of Word document and counting.  They're not easy to find, and I'll never find all of them, I know.  Some groups are very nasty about sharing, like somehow their alumni group is more entitled to information about passed classmates than ours.  But I keep hacking away at it, because . . .

Because dead sucks, and dead and forgotten sucks even more.  And for the folks who come by?  I hope there's some comfort and warmth arising from seeing their loved ones remembered.  

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One last thing--Epinions paid out early, and actually paid out a fair bit more than usual.  Not huge bucks, but it'll be nice to have that extra for groceries.  Thanks, Epinions!  

Epinions pays me based upon how many folks actually read my reviews, so if you're in the market for anything from a hand mixer to a juicer, some organic shampoo to effective tick repellant, give me a read!

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And that's all, except for this--something really ugly:

White Privilege and Pink Unicorns

Yesterday, I got a particularly ugly and stupid anonymous comment on my blog.  Anonymous because--well, because that's how small, stupid people do it.  They take their courage from being unknown.  No need to be polite or thoughtful or reasonable when no one can pin the "duh" on you.  Anyway, one of the gems this dullwit actually sprayed?   

"You hate GOD so much you don't believe in him."

Okay, take a moment to chew on that.  Really roll it around, poke at it.  And then ask yourself, "Do I hate Santa Claus?"  Seriously, ask yourself if you hate the things you don't believe exist.  Do you hate unicorns?  Blue Fairies?  Crumple-horned Snorkacks?  Odin?  Kind hearted, intelligent, humanitarian, critically-thinking Tea Party members?

No?

Just so.  I don't "hate" any deity because I don't see any evidence for the existence of any deity.  I "hate God" like I hate gnomes, dragons, and pink unicorns.  

Hope that clears things up.

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Came across this video yesterday.  Yes, I've been aware of the wildly different standards for years, but this really does bring it home in a whole new way.  I know that, when a cop sees me, he sees a fat, middle-aged housewife who might cry if he gives her a ticket.  Were I black?

He'd almost certainly "see" something entirely different, even though, most likely, I'd be the very same thing--a fat, middle-aged housewife who might cry if she gets a ticket.  

Ask yourself this:  is it okay for us to "have" a country where blacks (and likely Hispanics, too) have to teach their children how to avoid being shot by police for no reason other than their race?  I'm already a "perpetual low level of panic" parent.  Can you imagine what a mess I'd be if I knew my son's very skin color could be enough to tip a cop over into deadly force territory?  I'd never let him leave the house.

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Had a disappointing (but not surprising) moment yesterday.  A "friend" posted a link from a wowserly "woo" site (Natural News).  Being me, I mentioned the site's unreliability, but said I'd check out the link.  

She deleted my comment, and posted a "P.S." stating that she wouldn't have posted the link if she didn't consider the site "valid."

Okay, we won't even get into the whole "just because an idea captures your fancy doesn't make the BLOG cited as 'evidence' reliable or the information therein accurate" thing.  We won't even lament the educational climate that churns out an advanced degree with no real critical thinking skills to go with it.  No, what I'm looking at here is the lack of respect from this woman.  When I delete a "friend's" comment (something I almost never do), I send a private note letting them know why because that's what you do.  It's called "politeness."  It's about having a care for your friends' feelings.

I met this woman through my husband.  She's part of the "arts" crowd.  When she first met me, she was fascinated, asked all sorts of questions about my ex-husbands, my childhood, etc.  It got to where I couldn't sign onto the computer without her immediately leaping at me with IMs.  I finally had to go stealth during part of the day just so I could get some work done. And then, one day, she asked if I would come to her place so she could interview me for a radio show.  So I could talk about my family, my marriages, etc.

And I refused.  Kindly, but firmly.  I'm not about to go on NPR tearing my ex-husbands apart.  The second because he doesn't deserve it (yeah, he screwed up, he got wonky, but he's not a bad man), and the first because I don't ever want to be on his radar again.  I don't want to broadcast ugly family stories when my family is still alive to be hurt by them.  It's one thing to blog an anecdote, it's another to lay a family bare to a wide audience.  And that?

Was the end of her interest in me.  Her tone went cold, the IMs stopped, and the distance yawned between us.  And that was okay, because, as time passed, I felt more and more that she was, at her core, an incredibly self-absorbed creature who demands a lot of the people around her, requires them to live up to her IDEA of them.  That perception has been confirmed by a few others who know her far better than I.

I did try to improve things.  When she contacted me (three different times!) to repair or alter photographs for her, I did so without complaint, even rushing to meet her deadlines.  I went so far as to buy frames for two of the pictures and gift them to her.  Understand, these pictures were incredibly difficult to work with--we're talking painstaking restoration in two and, in one, colorization. This work took, for all three, hundreds of hours.  That is not an exaggeration.  Cloning, color sampling, tweaking opacity, merging, establishing layers, etc.  The carpal tunnel issues were breathtaking.  I did this, I admit, because I hoped to improve the friendship.  Because I thought that, by doing something kind, something nice, she might forgive me for not making her famous on NPR.

Sadly, it didn't work.  I've never felt she really likes me, have always felt that I'm the PIA wife of the guy she thinks is a whole lot more entertaining and worth her time.  

When I mentioned this to my husband yesterday, he said, "Dude, I've never felt she likes anyone."  We reminisced about dinner-party rudenesses toward people who didn't please her, a general air of dissatisfaction with anyone and anything that wasn't precisely as she desired.

I didn't respond to her deletion of my post or her follow-up post script because we share friends--people I DO like, people who . . . sorry, PERSON who really likes her a LOT.  So I've been sitting on it, trying to decide what to do.  And what I've decided?

I've relegated her to "acquaintances" on my friends list, which means her stupid woo BS doesn't come across my feed and my stuff only shows on hers if I select "friends including acquaintances." I did adjust things so her new photos come across--they're usually harmless, and I can say, "Oooh, pretty."  

Not sure what I'm going to do the next time she asks me to dedicate hours to fix up a photo.  

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Our boy got his "wings" today at the RC airfield.  Only three training sessions and he's now approved for solo use of the field.  I guess the flight simulator programs paid off, huh?  He's supremely happy, and I'm happy for him.  Also, his end-of-year test results came back today:  Math and Reading, 99th percentile, Language Mechanics 95th percentile. 

It'll certainly do.

Now here, have something awful:

Oh, and in case you hadn't noticed, once again Blogger has hijacked my formatting, and resists all attempts to fix it.  Getting pretty tired of this.

Church, State, and What's the Difference, Anyway?

So, back to the Boyd K. Packer BS on the Weber State University campus.  Here's the deal, in case you missed it.   Well, it turns out the husband (Jared Lisonbee) of the woman (Shairylann Lisonbee, whose parents should be smacked for that spelling) whose letter to the editor first clued me on this freakshow travesty used to be an associate/assistant professor in the very department where this mess is going down.  

Yes, that's an awkward paragraph, but the operative phrase there?  "Used to be."

That's right--he was the only person on staff to raise objections, and now he's out of a job--or will be, once his contract is up.  That's right, Weber chose not to renew, and gave no reason for their decision.  

Now, those Utah-type folks might argue "Oh, it's a coincidence" or "it's got nothing to do with the church or the Packers-decision" or (and most likely, as this is the way this sort of thing so often goes down) "he was let go for unrelated performance issues."  And maybe that's true.  Maybe there's no connection whatsoever.  One thing, though--he was told that he and Weber State just might not be a "good fit."

Hmm.  I've heard those words.  From a staff member teaching in that very building.  I blogged about it HERE months ago.

Here's the scoop on the Lisonbee family and Weber State as it arrived in my email box last night:

On May 6th, Shairylann Lisonbee wrote a letter to the editor, concerning the naming of a family outreach center at Weber State University after LDS Apostle Boyd K. Packer. She suggested that this was a bad idea, since the center was at a public university, and was intended to serve a diverse set of families in the community. The name was problematic because Brother Packer has forcefully spoken out against interracial and homosexual families in the past. It is possible to respect Boyd K. Packer as a person, and as a religious leader, without believing that it is a good idea to put his name on a family outreach center at a public university, given his past statements and views that oppose the loving families of so many.

Inspired by her letter, I wrote my first change.org petition about this issue, borrowing many of her thoughts on the matter. The petition currently has 2,316 signatures. https://www.change.org/petitions/weber-state-university-do-not-name-your-center-for-family-cfce-after-boyd-k-packer.

Shairylann's husband is on the faculty at Weber State University in the College of Education where the Packer Center is housed. When the name of the center was first announced, Jared Lisonbee suggested that naming the center after Brother Packer would alienate many of the very families that the center was intended to serve. He was the only member of the faculty at the meeting to express such obvious concerns.

It has recently come to my attention that Jared has now been removed from his position at the University, and all indications are that his removal was a result of his opposition to the naming of the family center, and of his wife's letter to the editor, and the resulting petition. I believe that this is a morally reprehensible action. If dissenting voices cannot even be heard at a public university, for fear of retaliation that might cost the person their job, then how can an open and free dialogue on the issues be maintained? I believe that this is a severe miscarriage of justice, and, if things are as they strongly appear, this is an apparent attempt by an individual to impose their vision of a harmful and hurtful religious orthodoxy on others at what is supposed to be a public university.

With permission, I would like to quote the letter Shairylann wrote with her initial reaction to the firing of her husband:

"I'm in shock. My husband just lost his job over the naming of the Boyd K. Packer center at Weber State University. He is an assistant professor at Weber in the College of Education - the college responsible for the Packer center. Last year in the faculty meeting where the name for the family center was announced, he was THE ONLY person who protested the naming, mentioning that Packer was not viewed as friendly toward gays, academicians, feminists, and interracial couples. Since then, his department chair became increasingly hostile, making off-handed comments toward him like "You know, Weber State is not a good fit for everyone." On May 6th I wrote my letter to the editor that was published, criticizing naming the Weber's family center after Boyd K. Packer. I shouldn't have. Yesterday, out of the blue, my husband received a letter telling him that his contract would not be renewed, giving no reasons for the decision. It is so obviously related to our opposition to the naming of the Packer Center, but I doubt we could ever prove it. He is going to talk to people today about making a possible case for religious discrimination, but I'm sure we our going to be jobless in the end, and he will have an ugly professional strike against him. I hate that there is no real protection from the church in this state."

Obviously I am very unhappy with what has happened here, and I also feel somewhat responsible, because I am the one that took her original letter to the editor, and turned it into a petition, that eventually ended up in the news, and that produced some bad press for Weber State, a result that may have partially motivated these reprehensible actions. Nevertheless, I feel like we have done the right thing here, despite the price that some have been forced to pay for speaking up.

I would encourage everyone here to again take up the petition, and pass it around among all of your friends and family. Letting the faculty and administrators at Weber State know that there really are a large number of people who oppose their actions and decisions on this matter.

Please pass this on to those that you know, and spread the word.

Thank you,

James L. Carroll

What can I say?  I'm not proud of my Alma Mater right now.  Canning someone for expressing a dissenting view?  That might fit in with the Boyd K. Packer world view, but that's utterly unacceptable for a PUBLICLY FUNDED institution of higher learning in the United States.  If that's what happened, if Mr. Lisonbee was left jobless because he and his wife disagreed with a highly questionable decision, then, my old school shames itself, and shames the rest of us by association.  Come on, be a state university--Utah already has a BYU.

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Speaking of the above disaster, I have friends who work for Weber State University.  They are being vocal and amazingly brave (let's face it, it's scary speaking out against an organization that, allegedly, fired someone for speaking out), and I'm very proud of them.  

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Speaking of the Mormon Church and the endless twisting and melding of church and state in Utah, this meme/picture came sliding across my Facebook wall today:

A beautiful picture, no question about it.  It's gone viral, no telling who took it or when.  And if it doesn't strike terror in your heart, I don't know what will.  This came scudding through with a quote from that atrocious Lee Greenwood song--you know, "Proud to Be an American?"  The picture-perfect melding of church and state here--the clear implication that church IS state.  The sick forwarding of the idea that to be patriotic is to be religious and vice versa.  This picture, in all its technical and compositional beauty, is a nightmare.

Note some of the comments.  Especially the last one which, I can only hope, is satire. Other than "sobering," the rest of these comments strike me as something straight out of an SNL skit.  

Hooah, indeed.

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And, since I have you right there on religion, let's talk about parents who use religion as a bludgeon to guilt, condemn, and terrorize a gay child, all under the guise of loving support and . . . garbage.  Here, read this:

Just Because He Breathes

My 15 year old said he doesn't pity this woman, but I do.  I pity her the same way I pity anyone who does awful, stupid things and later comes to regret them, but not in time to stave off tragedy.  But the sad reality is that this boy had every ounce of self-love, self-confidence, joy, self-acceptance, and surety of love bludgeoned out of him by Bible-wielding parents.  Reason 5,678 why mythology sucks.

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And now, speaking of crappy things parents do to their kids?  If you name your child "Whiskey Chance," (that's first and middle), don't be surprised when he winds up in jail.  Seriously, are you stupid?  How did you THINK that was going to turn out?

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And that's it for today.  Here, have something visually stimulating:

Oh, and I apologize for the crappy formatting here today.  Sometimes Blogger just decides to go with its gut feelings and disregard any pesky alignment decisions I make.  Can't wait to see what it's done with the font.