Well, that sucked

Blood work came back.  Either what I'm doing isn't working OR 4 weeks of it wasn't enough to make a difference.

My LDL?  UP six points.  My Vitamin D?  DOWN one point.  My total cholesterol?  UP eight points?

On the bright side (pfft) my HDL was up three points, and my A1c is still well below 6%.

What a downer.  What a sad thing.  So, of course, I've had a cupcake, a dark chocolate bar, and two diet ice cream sandwiches.  Because that's what you do when you've been spectacularly "good" for a month and it hasn't helped at all.  You eat.

To my credit, I did still work out, and, as pig outs go, that's not much of one.  That's something, right?

So, I'm back on tomorrow.  Doctor says she wants to talk to me for thirty minutes about diet and medications.

That's a NO.  We already talked about those things, I'm already eating what she says I should, not eating what she says I shouldn't, and taking all the supplements she says I need.  This is a matter of my weight being too high.  Everything I've read says that getting down to a reasonable weight and BMI will pull my numbers into a better range.  So that's what I need to do.

That's what I AM doing.

I won't go in just so I can tell her NO on the statins and listen to her tell me all the stuff we already talked about.  I'll see her in six months.

Period.

Hopefully, my numbers will be better.  I'm going to try to be happy about the increased HDL.  That's a bigger increase than a statin would have given me.  That's something, right?

Blah.

After asking around, I feel a little better.  A lot of folks who've made changes like this needed more than a month or two to see positive differences, and a lot of them saw their LDL go UP before it went down.  So I'll stick with it.

Still feeling sort of BLAH, though.

Everybody Else's Woo is Fair Game, but Hands Off Mine!

Ohhh, this came across my wall today, and GOODNESS, the firestorm!

Why a firestorm?  Because, sometimes, even folks who embrace skepticism and research-based evidence have their own little bit of woo hanging out inside, and they don't like to see THEIR woo lumped in with everyone ELSE'S woo.  So I'm seeing posts like, "Of COURSE Scientology is total bollocks, but what do you MEAN the qi and body energy are BS?  Ask any TIBETAN MONK . . ."

Tibetan Monk. Yeah, exactly where I'm going to turn for evidence-based, valid, reliable research.

Shhhh.  Shhhhh.  It's okay.  Back slowly away from the internet meme and take a deep, cleansing, breath.  Take your ka and your qi and go home if you don't like this game--hurry, before my skepticism sullies your aura.

Remember how I talked about the movie Kumaré, about how there are people who seem absolutely compelled to believe in woo?  They ping-pong from one deeply "spiritual" thing to the next, embracing everything from magical runes to fairy circles, insisting that certain stones can heal, certain vibrations can cure, and the world is full of colors and spirits and wooooooo!

Wooooooooo!

Here's where it gets personal for me.  See, I tried.  I ran the gamut, from tarot cards and Ouija boards to calling quarters and wearing certain stones. I grew up Christian, tried Hindu (or actually the dippy, New Age, Western attempt at feel-good neo-Hindu), Buddhist, various "goddess-y" bits of paganism, etc.  Because I felt like . . . like I was supposed to?  People always ask, "But you believe in SOMETHING, right?"  It took me years to realize that there's no reason to believe in something.  That being able to flash your believer card to fit into some club isn't good or right or admirable.  Being proud of embracing this mythology or that?

I don't get it.  I don't get where the pride comes from.  I get believing--death's a scary thing, it's comforting to believe that this isn't it.  It IS it, but I get seeking the comfort.

I don't get making believe you believe.  I don't understand people who know better, but roll with it anyway.  Either they're deluding themselves or they're lying.  Neither of those is particularly healthy.

But what really floors me is the over-the-top PRIDE, the pushing woo like it's something admirable.  "I believe in talking animals and auras and baking soda cancer cures and magic stones and invisible beings and . . ."

And the hilarious part?  These same people will roll their eyes at OTHER PEOPLE'S WOO.  A Christian might laugh at a Mormon, a Mormon might scoff at a Scientologist, a Scientologist might ridicule a Wiccan, etc.

An atheist might laugh at 98% of the woo, then become righteously irate when someone downs his qi.

Hey, guys?  Embrace what you will, enjoy it, but until you understand what science is and offer up your woo for in depth, rigorous examination by the scientific community?  Shut up about how much better YOUR woo is than anyone else's.  Because from out here, it all looks the same.

And in case anyone's wondering?  Yeah, I have experienced things I can't explain. But I refuse to argue from ignorance, I will not say, "I can't explain this right now, so it must be some big, super-powerful, invisible being!"  No.  I stop at "I can't explain this right now."  Tossing it into the realm of super-duper-deity or ghosties?  That's terrifically unenlightened.  As a species, we did that for millenia, and it did not serve our best interests.  It quelled query, it oppressed thinking, and it held us up in myriad ways.  Whatever I've experienced that defied explanation?  Science will get to it eventually.  If we let it.

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Doctors appointments tomorrow.  I actually bought my own hospital/exam gown.  Last time I was at the gynecologist's (the only time for this office), they had no gowns, only these tiny, TINY little paper drapes, just barely big enough to cover from low down on the breasts to upper thigh.  I felt absolutely vulnerable and COLD and embarrassed.  I've seen paper drapes before, but this one was half the size they normally are.  Gynecology is rough enough on us, don't make us sit there clutching oversize napkins to our chests.  Plus, places that DO have gowns usually have small gowns.  Yeah, I can get them on and cover up, but they're tight in the arms and uncomfortable.  So I have my own.  I strongly recommend making that purchase if you're bigger or if your doc doesn't believe in gowns.  

Speaking of doctors, I'm getting nervous.  I jumped through a lot of hassle-y hoops to get my gynecology appointment at 9 am and my dermatology at 11 am.  Got a call yesterday confirming my 11 am (although it's been changed to 11:05, which is fine).  Got a call today confirming my 2 pm dermatology for day AFTER tomorrow?  Just got off the phone, cancelling that while stressing that TOMORROW'S appointment is still a goer.  But I've heard nothing from the gynecology office.  And her office staff tends toward the . . . dull.  Easily confused.  I'm scared to call and confirm for fear they'll screw up and cancel it instead (yes, I've had that happen at other places).  

Goodness.

*****Update***** I called, confirmed.  Woman seemed very shocked that I have an appointment tomorrow, but the appointment IS there and she did seem to grasp that I was calling to CONFIRM, not cancel.  Cross those lucky fingers, speaking of woo ;-)

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Armus was put down yesterday.  Very sad, she was a good, good dog.  The guilt at having left her may never abate.  Yes, I know that we had no choice, but she didn't know that.  I hope she didn't hang around, just waiting for her people to come home.

Dang.  

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Well THAT Was Sad

So, I'm on the iPad late last night, watching a friend perform at the Hobbit Oscar Party in Hollywood ("The One-Expected Party," I believe it was called).  It was streamed live through TheOneRing.net.  She plays the viola da gamba and the bodhran (Irish drum), and her band didn't hit the stage until around 2:50 am my time (and was followed by Billy Boyd and Dominic Monaghan).  Truth be told, though I do like both Billy and Dominic, I liked my friend's performance better.  It was lovely, and was definitely worth staying up for!

Between checking the live feed and playing solitaire, I was checking Facebook.  A message came up from a friend I've known since Mrs. Wixom's drama class at Highland Junior High in Ogden, Utah.

He posted something to the effect of, "Bug off!  I'm watching Walking Dead!"  As a fellow fan of Walking Dead, I "get" it.  I jokingly (OBVIOUSLY jokingly!) said something like, "Being on the east coast has its advantages--turns out everybody dies, they replaced the whole cast!  It's the biggest secret in TV history"  Obviously a joke, right?  Right?  I mean, nobody takes that seriously.

Except this guy, apparently.  He posted (verbatim here--this is a copy and paste), "I know..you think, spoiling The Walking Dead, even as a joke, is funny. It's not. Unfriended. Bye."

First off, the atrocious grammar and punctuation? Utterly unlike this guy.  As is the freaky lack of humor and the over-the-top reaction to a harmless, funny joke.  I immediately assumed he was playing, that this was also a joke.  I was, in fact, SO certain of this that I responded with something like, "Nah, you need me--I'm slow and old, I'm just who you want with you in a zombie invasion--they'll be so busy eating on me you'll have time to escape!"  I clicked to post, but then the whole page disappeared.  I tried to click back to it, but no joy.  Finally typed his name into the search field, and no returns.

In other words, he dropped me AND blocked me.

What's sad is that, while he's deleted my original "killed everyone and replaced the entire cast" joke, my LIKING his "unfriended" post still shows.

So there I am, STILL thinking he's joking!  Still thinking that, in a few minutes, he'll unblock me and send me a "ha ha, wasn't that funny?" note with a friend request.

Except he didn't.  It appears he actually meant it.  He actually ditched me because I cracked a fake spoiler joke about Walking Dead.  And now he's got sycophantic "walkers" posting about, gosh, yes, wasn't that just terrible of her?  What an awful person!

Wow.  Dumbfounded and sad don't begin to cover it.  It has the feel of, to borrow from a friend, a guy with "bigger fish to fry."  The feel of a guy who was looking for an excuse to be a jerk to me.  Or, hey, maybe someone hijacked his account.  Because no way he ditches me over a pretend spoiler for Walking Dead.  No way--that was too obviously NOT a spoiler for him to have dumped me for that.  He's a smarter guy than that, he's got a better sense of humor.

Or so I thought.  Considering how sure I was this was all a joke, I guess you could argue that I have no idea what sort of guy he is.  Maybe he really is the kind of obsessed fanboy who would ditch someone over an obvious joke.  Maybe he is the kind of guy who makes grand "unfriending" announcements in order to look cool to the masses.  Maybe he really is that . . . SMALL.

And how does all of this make me feel?

Well, pretty much exactly like THIS:

I've had mutual friends step in, say it seems really off-color for him, offering to speak to him, play go-between, but no.  No, because it's a fine line between making overtures and harassment, and I don't want to come even close to that line.  Lesson learned, I guess.  We live in a country where people you've known for 34 years will ditch you (and block you to prevent you from asking why) because you cracked a joke about an AMC Zombie series.

Well, alrighty then.

The general consensus is "you're better off without him."  And I guess I'll have to try to find some comfort in that, though, truth be told, I'm not comforted.  I'm just bummed.  Sucks when someone you've known for this long, someone you thought was cool, turns out to be a jerk who doesn't care at all about you.  Sucks a lot.

Trying to line up my gynecology and dermatology appointments for the same day.  The docs are in the same building, so it would be super-convenient if I can get the appointments to line up.  Like the stars, you know?  But with scalpels and specula (speculae?).  Sadly, the first appointment I made was for a Wednesday with the gynecologist--doesn't it figure that the dermatologist doesn't work Wednesdays?  Gah.  Also need for the gynecologist to order a mammogram for me (time for my annual).  Hoping to inspire her to call in a script for my metoprolol, too.  I don't want to hassle with the "primary care physician" unless I absolutely have to.  She missed the mass.  She blows off research in favor of what she wants.  I don't want to see her again unless I absolutely have to.  I'm sure she's a nice person, but the moment you stick fingers in and insist there's no mass when I KNOW there is, when I've told you EXACTLY where it is, and then you don't even bother saying, "Whoopsie!" when I wind up requiring surgery for the removal of that mass?  I don't need you.

 Only gained 2 pounds over the weekend instead of the FIVE I gained two weekends before and the FOUR I gained last weeked.  Net, in two weeks, I'm down five pounds, i.e., I weigh five pounds less today than I did two Mondays ago.  And I seem to be doing better reining in my weekends while still splurging, so that's good.

The fact that this next paycheck is going to be astoundingly tight should help with that, huh?

Anyway, I'm outta here--time to let the dog out, mop the floor, grind some history and science into that boy, and maybe get in a nap--I only slept three hours last night, and I am super-tired.

No bad paneling.  I'm sad.

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