Saturday, November 17, 2012

I'm RICH!

My son and I like to read SPAM/SCAM mails.  In fact, we enjoy it so much I've kept an old junk email address just for that purpose.  It's an old AOL address from back in the mid-nineties, and I make no effort to clean it up.  Why would I?  It's a well of entertainment!

Yesterday, we received the following email--a shining example of the species:




I AM IN YOUR NEAREST AIRPORT WITH YOUR (FUNDS) WHERE ARE YOU NOW?


From MR. HILARY WAYNE offfilesofffffffffff@yahoo.cnhide details

To undisclosed recipients: ; undisclosed recipients: ;

LEEWING TRADING COMPANY LIMITED



GOOD DAY I AM DIPLOMAT MR. HILARY WAYNE.



HOW IS EVERYTHING AND YOUR FAMILY IS NOW OVER A MONTH THAT I HAVE BEEN WITH U.S.A CUSTOMS WHERE I WAS ARRESTED THAT I DO NOT HAVE A DELIVERY CLEARANCE PAPER AT WASHINGTON DC U.S.A BUT I THANK GOD THAT THEY HAVE RELEASED ME TODAY WITH YOUR PACKAGE WORTH THE SUM OF $2.5MILLION U.S.A DORLLARS BUT THEY NEVER KNOW THAT IT CONTENTS LARGE AMOUNT OF MONEY.



SO IT IS THIS MORNING THAT THEY RELEASED ME WITH YOUR FUNDS.YOU ADVICE TO RECONFIRM TO ME YOUR DETAILS YOU KNOW I LOST THEM DURING WHEN I WAS DRAGING YOUR PACKAGE WITH SOME IMMIGRATION OFFICER HERE.



AND AGAIN YOU HAVE TO PAY THE SUM OF $95.00 FOR AIR WAY BILL PAPERS THEY SAID THAT IF I DID NOT HAVE IT THAT I WILL NOT ENTER FLIGHT TO YOUR OR TAXI SO SEND THE FEES TO BENIN REPUBLIC WHERE I CAN FROM THEY WILL GET THE AIR WAY BILL ASAP AND FORWARD TO ME HERE AND IT WILL NOT TAKE MORE THAN 4/HRS OR 5/HRS I WILL GET TO YOUR HOME ONCE YOU SEND THE FEES.



HERE IS THE INFORMATION TO SEND IT.



RECEIVERS NAME ........AUSTIN MMORAH.

COUNTRY .......BENIN REPUBLIC .

CITY COTONOU .

AMOUNT $95.00

TXQ HOW LONG.

ANSWER 5 HRS DELIVERY.

SENDERS NAME

MTCN........
PLEASE CALL MY DIRECTOR DHL DELIVERY COMPANY NOW NAME MR

PETER PALMER // NO +229-99 15 28 45.
(peterpalmer477@yahoo.co.uk)
PLEASE IT IS THIS MORNING THAT THEY HAVE RELEASED ME AND I DO NOT WANT TO TAKE ANY MORE LONG HERE AND I WILL DELIVER YOUR FUNDS IN 5 HRS TIME ONCE YOU SEND THE FEES TO THE MAN IN CHARGE.DO THAT FAST SO THAT THEY CAN NOT LOOK OVER THIS PACKAGE TO KNOW THE CONTENTS,



THANKS

DIPLOMATIC AGENT

MR. HILARY WAYNE

EMAILS:(dip



hilarywayne432@yahoo.com)



Here is a screen shot so you can see JUST how fancy and "official" looking this email was:

With fancy graphics and layout like that, it MUST be legit, huh?


I don't read this to my boy just for entertainment's sake (though that's certainly a good enough reason).  No, I read them so he can learn to spot bullshit, so he can recognize the language of the scam.  My family is full of people who just don't see it.  I get calls from my Mom, asking if I think this letter from the "Auto Warranty Department" or that call claiming to have "important credit card interest adjustment information" is legitimate.  I get messages from other family members asking why their Facebook has been hijacked or what they should do about the email demanding payment for a fine they don't recall incurring.  In other words, there seems to be some strange "hoax me, please" disease going on in my family, and I use these emails to inoculate my boy.  Even more, these mails have spurred much research on countries like Benin, Nigeria, DRC, and others.  We read about economies, culture, life expectancy, common diseases, and educational attainment. 
 
That's a lot of learning to be inspired by crappy SPAM, huh?
 
 
On another, less happy (but still wildly manipulative) note, I tangled this morning just slightly with an actor I really admire.  Online, of course.  Facebook.  I "met" him years ago on a Google "alt" groups forum.  He was quite supportive and kind when my Aunt was battling lung cancer.  Well, today he posted a "meme" that I found terrifically sanctimonious, ridiculing, and pissy.  It wasn't in keeping with what I have come to expect from him.  It wasn't mean, but I felt it was misguided, just a little self-satisfied, and unfair.  In a nutshell, he held up a picture of a starving child as a dig at those who are saying they're bummed about Hostess going under.  I have to say, I am sick of hearing folks tell us all that we're shallow or need to reassess our priorities just because THEY don't like what WE focus on in a given moment.  Come on, folks!   If we're going to hold starving kids up as the standard, pretty much EVERYTHING we worry about or complain about pales in comparison, including "fiscal cliffs," skin cancer, and broken down cars.  But fact is, I don't have to be made to feel guilty over missing my Muscadines this year--my heart is SO big that I can sympathize with the suffering of that child AND feel sad about my missing grapes.  In fact, I can feel sad about an INFINITE number of things (or at least as many things as my brain can accommodate) without short-shrifting even one of them.  It's unfair to hint that, because I might be sad about the demise of an American Icon (and Hostess is that, regardless of nutritional value), because I might be bummed about my car (or my tax bill, or my lost cell phone, or my weight), I'm somehow shallow or in need of a morality check.  In fact, not only is it unfair, but there's something a bit low and cheap about using a picture of a starving child to poke at or ridicule people whose concerns you think are trivial.  No, I don't think my actor "friend" is cheap or low, but I think he made a bad call here.  I think he decided that the whole Hostess thing was unimportant, and from there he took it upon himself to "educate" folks about what they should and shouldn't find important.  Like I said, I'm getting tired of being told that my concerns are trivial in the face of whatever.  My concerns are my concerns, and who cares if you or anyone else thinks they're important?  Who made you, me, or anyone else the arbiter of what does and doesn't matter?  There's always going to be something someone thinks is more important than blahAlways
 
And for the record?  I'm not one of those Twinkie folks.  Sure, I think it's a sort of "end of an era" thing (Hostess is, after all, good or bad, an American icon), and my heart goes out to those workers (who, before anyone starts blaming them, made concession after concession on pay and benefits over the past 8 years while their higher-ups bankrupted the company twice), and yeah, I do think it's a bit of a bummer.  Do I think it's sadder than a starving child?  No, and I'll bet no one else feels that way, either.  Ridiculous to suggest they do.
 
On a lighter note, we did pick up a box each of Twinkies, Ho Hos, and Ding Dongs three days ago (when I caught wind of the impending collapse).  Silly us, we didn't stock up and then sell them on eBay.  No, we ate them (not all at once, and yes, I watched how many I had--only two Twinkies out of the whole box).  See, we hadn't had Twinkies in years, and our boy had never had a Ho Ho or a Ding Dong.  What awful parents we are, that he's been so denied (that's a joke--we don't keep things like that in the house for a reason).
 

Our boy, with an already-empty box of Twinkies

Off our boy goes to Hapkido this morning.  Once again, it took almost an hour to get him to wake up and get ready.  "Get ready" means get dressed.  That's all.  He is absolutely his daddy's boy, and I do love him so--slowness and all!

4 comments:

  1. That is one of the best SPAM scams I've ever read! I get a lot of them but that one is funny. Do you get a lot of offers from "lonely or neglected wives who want to cheat"? I seem to be on their list, which annoys me because I'm a heterosexual woman, who was cheated on and it wasn't amusing. It's like salt in a wound. On the other hand, I have considered ordering one of those Russian brides they keep offering, just to help out with housework and stuff.
    I saw that meme of the starving child and I almost shared it. But I'm glad I didn't, because like you, I hate that starving children are used to shame us for worrying about our own troubles. I am lucky that my mom was never one of those, "eat your food, there are starving children in Africa" moms. I never understood how my eating something I didn't like was supposed to help a starving kid in a famine ridden country. I knew that all the peas in the world wouldn't help them out if I ate them. If I could, I would package up my leftovers and send them, but I knew that wouldn't help either. Guilting me for not liking liver is not helping, it's slacktivism. Not to mention how it made me feel when I was gaining weight, and my father-in-law would try to force me to "clean my plate" every time we shared a meal. Then he'd tell me my ass was getting too big. I finally blew up at him in the middle of Village Inn, and told him that I didn't control the portion size, and I wasn't about to force-feed myself extra calories that would just make my ass bigger. After 15 years, he actually learned to shut up about it.
    But on the other hand, I have to point out that I felt the same way when Ann Romney was complaining that she knew hardship and struggles. She was vilified because she had maids and nannies to help her, and never had to go without health care, etc. I defended her by saying that of course she had worries, she has MS, she's married to a douchebag, and she did have a lot of kids and all of the stress that comes with that. Who are we to say that she can't complain about things that bother her? The problem is perspective. She may have her own issues, but she will never understand what it's like to be a struggling American living at the poverty level, and she seemed unable to look outside of her own bubble and put herself in our place.
    I think that is what I take away from those pictures of starving kids. I feel for them, and when I am able I try to help however I can. But I still have my own life to focus on and all of the stress that comes with it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I don't get any for lonely housewives or Russian brides, but apparently I'm lacking in the penis-size department. Go figure! My Dad was of the "starving kids in India" (always India, for some reason) type. When I was maybe six or so, I suggested we send it to them. I wasn't trying to be a smart ass, I was sincere. Got a good crack upside the skull anyway. Oops!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Figures, as soon as I said I don't get them, I got THREE lonely housewife emails!

    ReplyDelete
  4. My penis must be legendary but my thinning hair is a problem according to the spammers. I mean, it is thinning, but I'm not ready for hair plugs just yet.
    My stepdad liked to crack us upside the head for everything, especially if I imitated his mocking tone and sarcastic remarks.

    ReplyDelete