Monday, November 12, 2012

God's Great Plan

I don't usually blog too intensely about matters of faith.  I'm an atheist, but my lack of faith doesn't define me any more than anyone else's abundance of faith defines them.  It's part of who I am, but not ALL of who I am.  However, for the past few days (since November 6th, strangely), I've seen Facebook post after miserable Facebook post going on and on about how awful it is that President Obama was re-elected, how they will pray to their God to guide and save them, and you know what?

I want to scream.  Not because of their faith, but because of the utter disingenuousness of it all.

It is disingenuous, right?  Because if it's not, then they're just plain stupid.

You see, these same people have splattered my wall for years with talk of "God's Plan."  You know, "God has a plan for you" and "I know it seems scary now, but don't worry--it's all part of God's plan!"

Hey, kids?  Has it occurred that maybe--just maybe--President Obama being re-elected is all a part of that grand scheme, too?  Seriously, if your deity has some wowser, eternal plan based upon his knowledge of all, past and future, then he has ALWAYS known that President Obama was going to serve two turns, and he MEANT for that to happen. 

Go ahead.  Tell me your deity didn't foresee this.  Tell me it's a surprise.  Tell me he's angry, shocked, and devastated by the way America voted. 


Also, to the 14 year olds who petitioned the White House for secession on behalf of Texas and Louisiana?  Obviously, you'll have to put that up to a popular vote--you can't just condemn all in your state to the consequences of your stupidity.  But should you manage to make it fly?  Bye!  Don't let the international border hit you in the ass on the way out!  Oh, and don't forget to turn in your library card.

And dismantle those federal installations and return all the materials.

And kiss all your active and reserve military personnel goodbye.

And cough up all those federal dollars you've just accepted for highways, health and human services, education, welfare, Medicare and Medicaid, FAA (air traffic controllers?  Not on OUR dime, buddy!), TSA (terrorists in the airport?  Good luck with that, kids!), fuel subsidies, transportation subsidies, corporate subsidies, and federal benefits for Veteran's hospitals. 

Oh, and when that next Katrina or Rita hits?  Sink.  When that next salmonella or e coli outbreak sweeps through your food supplies because you've no access to USDA inspections?  Stock up on Pepto.  And when that Mexican drug war sweeps across that border that is no longer served by the Border Patrol?  Duck!  Safe drugs and protection from bogus medical claims?  Make your own FDA--ours is taken. 

And the kicker?  No wingnut will EVER threaten our White House again without Texas' electoral votes. 

Hey, I don't want to give anyone the idea that I would WANT Texas and Louisiana to swim that river and become the new South of the Border.  Not at all.  But if they do choose to hit the road, Jack?

Worse things could happen.

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